Countdown to the TomKat Divorce

Well, it’s happened. Under rainy skies, Tom Cruise has abducted the village virgin and sacrificed her to the evil overlord Xenu. The TomKat wedding was conducted in such a massively opulent manner that it could only be the intergalactic equivalent of one of those arranged marriages between old European royal bloodlines.

“We must unite Teegeeack with our closest allies in this sector of the ga-lax-y to ward off the marauding Marcabian warriors!”

“SO IT SHALL BE!” “SO SAY WE ALL!”

Katie at the window

And a desperate princess awaited her fate from high atop the castle tower in which she was trapped. As she scanned the horizon below for any sign of rescue, she could only pray for that last minute arrival of a knight in shining armour.

Alas, it would not be. The virgin princess was doomed to fulfill the contractual obligations of marriage to the diminutive dark lord; a wee man, once beloved but who had lost the affections of the populace once they discovered his erratic behavior.

The people of Teegeeack can now only wait.

Wait for the time when the princess returns to the land of the sane…

…with her hefty pre-nuptual settlement.

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2 Comments on “Countdown to the TomKat Divorce”

  1. Brad Says:

    Love it! Absolutely hilarious. About on a level with that other great joke(r) Dan Murnan. Hail Xenu!

  2. General Public Says:

    The poor woman is doomed sure enough which is her own fault; down to blind ambition and insufficient research.

    Dan Murnan is fantastic, I wish we could see more of him. When he onced asked Mark about his ‘crimes’ Mark said he’d chopped somebody up and put them in a ditch. For a brief second Dan’s expression registered ‘A Win!’ before he realised Mark was only having a laugh.
    You were joking weren’t you Mark?

    Is Dan really an OT VIII ?, he looks so unauthoratively inarticulate and nervous. And he really doesn’t need to worry about anything, we’ll look after him when he escapes. He’ll have to do something about his dress sense though.


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